“The Great War” Part 7
Yessir, there shore was havoc in Elf Land goin’ on – while I was busy postin’ my flyers. Many of the enemy had already managed to cross the border despite our boys settin’ up a defensive perimeter led by Grandaffy himself. Armed with weapons – platoons of evil doers were causin’ all kinds of mischief…
“The Great War” Part 5
With his bag o’ coins, Chuckleberry led the companions to this weird lookin’ hamburger joint that had these giant piss yaller arches on it. “Order whatever you’se want fellars – it’s my treat,” he said. Yessir, the building was weird but the staff runnin’ the place was even weirder. Workin’, there were three funny lookin’…
“The Great War” Part 3
Now before the Gnomes had gone a few steps towards their unknown destination, they run into this scrawny Human kid who wore huge bifocals. The kid identified himself as Hewitt Putter, who happened to be on Summer Vacation from some Magicky School in lands far away. “I’m gonna be your guide, Dudes,” he said squintin’…
“The Great War” Part 1
Dear Mistur Klause, Whenever we git together with kin on Holidays or go camping with friends – invariably I’m called upon to recount my memories of the “Great War.” And even though I never got tired of tellin’ it – I felt it was high time that I wrote my version down. Younger kin folk…
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
“He didn’t have to die,” I said to Gort2 as we strapped ourselves into our saucer cockpit. “It was just a matter of bad timing.” “I mean think of it…if Klaatu hadn’t visited Earth during the 1950’s Red Scare he might have been hailed as the new Messiah.” My father’s saucer had been taken out…
Jake and his Hot Trans Am Part 4
The days to the double date seemed to take forever, each passing day seemed to increase the anticipation and worry. As I sat in my Oceanography Class all I could think of is what disaster had I gotten myself in this time? Mr. Peterson droned on an on about “ocean floor sediment” and “fossilization of…
Santa Goes All Out!
When it came to gettin’ gifts – Christmas 1963 was a banner year for Matty and I. Never had we seen so many gifts and presents wrapped in festive paper under the tree. There was a veritable cornucopia of Christmas goodies just waiting to be pillaged. Santa had gone all out! Ah, but we had…
“Jake and his Hot Trans Am” Part 3
So it was another boring ass week and then Friday night would come around and Jake would want to go cruisin’. Before he had met Donna, it was just the two of us cruisin’ around Santa Clara Valley. We’d smoke Marlboros, bullshit about chicks, and just drive all over the place. After driving for hours…
Destiny
Dear Mister Klause, I always believed that an Elf’s Destiny should be decided at home. Not on some foreign soil or continent. Still, as a patriotic tax payin’ Elf, I do believe in protectin’ my country. Hence I did participate in the Great War several hundred years ago. Nosir, The Great War was not won…
A View from Above
She lived alone in a ninth floor apartment. Her Apartment was 9I. The sounds of Fifth Avenue street traffic – yellow checker cabs, office workers, and late-night party people, could be heard on some nights when her window was cracked open. I showed up half in the bag for our first date. She opened the…